[Filter: Private]

Oh, Rory.

I don't even know what to think. I'm happy. I'm so happy that he's still the person I always knew he was, deep down. I'm happy that no matter how horrible everything had to become before he'd find that person again, he did. I'm happy that he still cares about me, really.

But it doesn't take away everything he's done. And it doesn't bring me back to Mera. And it doesn't change how ... broken I am.

Maybe the person I was supposed to be is still trapped inside, too. Maybe I'm just as lost as Rory was. Maybe things need to get worse before I can really find her. Maybe.

... but no matter how happy I am that he's still my brother, he's in so much danger. He thinks that he can fight Keran, but I know that he can't. He thinks that he's playing a different game, that he's making the rules. But he's not. I know he's not. Everyone is playing Keran's game, by Keran's rules, and the end is always, always the same.

Oh, Rory. He'll break you just like he breaks everyone. And I don't think you'll get put back together. Not this time.

I don't know what to give Aiden. Rosie and Devon were easy, but whenever I think of anything for Aiden, all I can think is that he won't like it.

He's ... strange. There's a darkness in his face, and I don't think that he likes me. My maids say it's because he thinks I'm trying to take his mother's place, but he knows that I ... wish I weren't here. I wish Lady Lynette were still here. I wouldn't be, if she were ...

They say he was there were her when she fell. He watched it all. Maybe that's why he's so ... dark. That ... that changes everyone.

[Filter: Private]

He reminds me so much of Rory. But it's different, somehow. It's ... it's different.

The way Keran treats him ...

Maybe there's a reason I'm here. These poor children need someone who's good in their lives. Keran is kind to Rosie, but there's only so deep it can go. He's a monster. Monsters can't love.

They need love.

... I wish he weren't making me do this. Playing happy Festival. Pretending we're a happy couple. Pretending everything is fine. Like he won't kill some poor person if I don't.

I don't understand why it matters. What does he want?

[Filter: Angeline]

Lysander says that it was you who stalled the caravan. You did very well.

[Filter: Rory]

I know that you saw it. Don't try to hide it.

[Filter: Private]

... Forna. That's what the letter said. It's Forna.

You'll see, Lord Keran. You'll see.

No matter how many times I read it to her, Rosie never gets tired of the story of Lady Egwene. She always smiles and laughs and cries in the same places. It touches her heart.

I used to love this story, too. I can understand.

Devon listens, sometimes. He's a sweet little thing. Everyone says he looks just like his mother did. She must have been very pretty.

They're good children. I'm happy for them.

... but Aiden is different from the others. He doesn't act like a little boy, and he doesn't like me.

[Filter: Mera Survivors]

I miss summer in Mera. I miss birds and grass and plants. I miss it not being so bright all the time like this. Sometimes, the dark is nice and soft. I miss seeing the ground for just a little bit.

I was happy there.

I miss it, and I'm sad, but I'm happy to have those memories, too.

Thank you all.

How are you?

[Filter: Private]

I know he hears me. I know it.

Maybe he has a breaking point, too. Maybe he just needs someone to push him there.

[Filter: Rory]

I saw Lord Keran threaten you. You know that's what he meant. Don't try to pretend like it wasn't.

[Filter: Private]

Rosie is a good girl. She deserves a better life than this. Keran can't really love her, because he can't really love anything. She doesn't see him for who he really is, and by the time she does ... it could be too late. She'll be poisoned by him, just like Aiden is.

That poor boy ...

She misses her mother. She talks about her all of the time. She seems like she was a good woman.

I don't want to replace her. I just ...

I just want there to be a good reason for me to be here. I just want something good to come from it.

I can almost feel it again. The anger. I wish it would come back all of the way. Everything would be so much ... easier.

[Filter: Public]

Rosie looks so pretty in her new dress.

[Filter: Lysander]

I ...

I talked to Dairanne. She said some things. They were beautiful things. They made me think. And I think she was right about them.

I'd almost given up. I just didn't think there was anything left inside of me worth holding on for. I thought maybe he'd killed it all.

But maybe he didn't.

[Filter: Dairanne, Jessica, Angeline, Lysander, Tasha]

I have three days left.

[Filter: Private]

It's too soon.

It's much too soon.

It's been so easy to think that so long as I'm fighting it, I'm okay. It's been so easy. But I don't know -- I can't --

I don't want to marry him. I don't want to do this again. He's evil. It's in his eyes. It's in everything about him.

Marriage ...

This will be different than all the others.

This will be worse.

After I've been with Lysander ... how can I just ...

[Filter: Lysander]

Oh, Lysander ...

[Filter: Private]

Rose Day ...

You can do whatever you want to me, my lord. I won't cook for you and I won't take your rose. You can do anything. I won't.

It doesn't matter if Lysander is alive, not in this. You'd kill him in an instant if you had the chance. Him still being here just gives me more strength to hate you with.

[Filter: Lysander, Jessica, Angeline, Tasha]

I've missed everyone so much.

[Filter: Private]

Rose Day ...

Oh, Lysander. No matter what happened at the end, no matter how angry Rory was, that was the most wonderful day I'd ever had. Just the two of us, and you gave me the silk rose ...

Some mornings, I wake up, and I think that I'm back in Mera, before I open my eyes. Sometimes, I even think that I'm in bed with you. That I can feel you. That we're together and you're alive.

And then I open my eyes, and it was all a dream after all ...

But everyday, it gets a little bit easier. I still have all my memories. Every day that we were together, I was happy. Those were the happiest days of my life. I'll never be that happy again, never, but I can still go back there, to those memories, and it's like a warm blanket.

I'm going to cook something for you on Rose Day, even if they scream and me and try to drive me out. They can do whatever they want, but I'm going to cook for you. And if Lord Keran gives me a rose, I won't take it, no matter what he does. I don't care.

I feel almost like I'm invincible, sometimes. After all, what can they do to me that hasn't already been done?

It's not a good feeling, exactly ... but it does make me feel powerful. And maybe that's the feeling I need more than anything else right now ...

I love you. I'll always love you, forever.

[Filter: Private]

Lysander ...

... I'll be strong for you. I'll fight every single step. You'll see. I listened to everything you told me. Everything.

[Filter: Dairanne]

Oh, Dairanne, so many horrible things have happened.

[Filter: Jessica and Valentine]

I'm so happy for you both. So happy. I think this will be perfect for you both. Just perfect.

[Filter: Lysander]

Today is the day. Are you nervous for Jessica at all? I'm not. I think this is going to be good. Really good.

Weddings really are beautiful, aren't they?

[Filter: Mera, Valentine, Dairanne]

... Gitara.

I think I'm going to name her Gitara.

[Filter: Mera, Valentine]

I found my journal. It was on my bookshelf. I was sure I checked there. But I guess I didn't.

I've never seen a wedding before. I'm so excited. It's going to be so wonderful. The two of you must be that excited, too. Right? I know you must be.

I'm still thinking of just the right name for her. I'll have it soon. Before the wedding. But not yet.

[Filter: Dairanne]

I have her.

And she's amazing.

She's perfect.

[Filter: Mera, Valentine]

She's beautiful. She's perfect.

I wish I could write to everyone to tell them. I want everyone to know.

She's so beautiful. I've waited so long.

I'm so, so happy.

[Filter: Private]

My own pegasus. It's real. It's really going to happen. I'm going to have my own pegasus again.

It's not replacing Vandene. Nothing could ever replace Vandene. It's just making room for something new.

... maybe he didn't notice. Maybe no one did.

[Filter: Mera, Valentine]

Should I drink today? I don't know. I was never allowed with Lord Drogen and Rory. Rory always drank. He wasn't nice when he did. But a lot of the other people who worked at Aartyn got really nice. They laughed a lot. And that's what you're supposed to do today, even if you don't do it any other day.

I din't know. What do you think?